3 Lessons I Have Learned About Being Married

So if your new to this blog Welcome!

I am a mother of three and a wife to a wonderful red neck man. Although we have only been married three years and counting we have been together six years. Let me tell you I have definitely learned a few things, not only about him but about myself and about how marriage works. It isn’t easy and God knows my husband and I aren’t perfect. We have had our fair share of fights, doubts, triumphs and falls but we stick together like glue because we made a vow for better or for worse.

You see growing up I don’t think being married takes work. I either just saw the good or only saw the bad and then base my reality on that. However when we only see the good we tend to think marriage is easy. We don’t think you have to work for it to stay good. We think it is all sunshine and rainbows until one day you find out that it isn’t.

Not every marriage is perfect, matter of the fact non of them are. Marriage is two imperfect individuals who wanted to be imperfect together who have an imperfect marriage.

There are three things that I have learned about marriage that I think could help others. I am not saying I know it all or that I am an expert in this field, I don’t think anyone is but I want to share with you somethings that helped me along they way so far.

It’s not a 50/50 Relationship Despite What You May Think

What I have learned is that any relationship or marriage isn’t a 50/50 thing. It isn’t “if he puts in the 50 I’ll put in 50!” You shouldn’t go into any relationship thinking it’s a 50/50 deal.

Marriage is a 100/100 relationship, you gotta put all in or nothing at all. You have to give it your whole effort to love and respect each other or the marriage dies right along with the 50/50. You have to give it your all to want it.

Here is a quick thought for you; If you’re only putting in 50 percent then what or who is the other 50 percent going to?

I am not staying put so much energy and effort into it that you ignore everyone else around you including your kids but you really need to give it your all together. I am not saying put your spouses needs over your own either however what I am saying is that both of your needs need to be filled.

It’s Important To Know Who Comes First In A Manor of Speaking

While both of your needs are important and should be handled equally realistically this is how it should work on the totem poll of things;

God should always come first, he is the foundation on which everything should rest. It states it perfectly in Matthew 7:24-27 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.” The rain he is talking about is the storms of life, the temptation and the other waves that might tear down anything you have built up.

Your spouse comes second, all though some would disagree. Why does my spouse come second and the children thrid? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? No let me tell you why, your spouse comes second because you need to take care of your relationship with your spouse first. Marriage is the ultimate bond between man and woman. You made a vow to love one another for better or for worse through sickness and in health. That means you need to take care of each other and each others needs not just your own. Relationships require work and commitment to keep your love for one another strong, and that includes your marriage. Fulling your families needs are important overall so don’t get me wrong your children and just as important as your spouse but to keep a happy home for your children sake your marriage with your spouse needs to take precedence.

After your spouse comes your children and their needs and together you handle those needs that is another reason why you spouse comes second. Handling your children’s needs together benefits not only their upbringing but your family unit. It shows your children how a functional family is. As mothers we can agree that once you became a mom from the moment you found out their needs are far greater than your own and by choice. We sacrifice our own needs for theirs. I’m not saying self care isn’t important but when you become a parent you are no longer thinking of yourself but of your family first.

I understand that not every marriage or relationship has God is involved in it, take for instance my marriage. I am a believer and my husband isn’t but how we make it work is I am helping lay a foundation (his morals) while following the rest of the pyramid. My husband agrees with the pyramid, but without the God portion. He knows that our marriage needs to come first or else the family falls apart. Think about it before your children it was just the two of you, just because you had children doesn’t mean that you should neglect the relationship that build the family in the first place.

Don’t Nag So Much

Don’t nag plan and simple, it doesn’t look good on you or sound good to any one. I have learned not to nag so much, nagging only diminishes, irritates, and harms the marriage. No one likes people who nag so why would you do it to your spouse? Over five times the bible states that living with a nagging wife is no good. From anything I have read in the bible, when God repeats himself it’s important to understand it and is something he wants to be pounded into our heads.

Better to live on a corner of the roof

    than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 21:9, 25:24

Better to live in a desert

    than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.

Proverbs 21:19

I will admit that I still nag my husband, I often times have to remind myself that nagging only irritates the station more than necessary. Nagging is hard to stop and isn’t easy to recognize. Why nag your spouse to pick up the sock if your standing right in front of it, why nag them over silly stupid stuff that is so insignificant. My grandparents once gave us some advice when we got married is pick your battles because some battles shouldn’t even be. Meaning not everything needs to be fought over and nagged at. It isn’t worth getting worked up over. As well as never go to sleep angry, you not only drag an unneeded fight out but wake up angry and feeling like crap.

I really dislike when women say happy wife happy life, like their happiness far exceeds their husbands happiness and their children’s happiness. When you get into the mentality of Happy Spouse Happy House you tie in the pyramid and remind yourself that both of you need to be happy, both of you need to love, and both of you need respect and attention.

Correction, It’s Happy Spouse Happy House #marriagegoals #marriedlife #winningatmarriage

There is an article that went viral for a while, a widowed woman who talks about being nagging wife and begging women to stop being a “butt-whole wife” before it’s to late. Please go check it out with the link here.

Conclusion

There is more that I would like to share so I’ll upload a part two to this because part two is quite longer than I expected. Overall everyone needs to be loved, everyone’s needs need to be met and both husband and wife need to respect each other. Being married is tough work, it requires attention, nurturing, caring, and love. You need to put your all in or it wont work out all right.

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12 Comments

  1. Good article, Alexis. Hubby and I have been married 35 years but, even after all that time, we still need a bit of help now and again … and many reminders. ☺️

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  2. Marriage is a beautiful piece of God’s plan. I am a widow of 1.5 years now at age 72. I was married twice. The first one lasted 10 years and was abusive, without God, without God’s plan. I waited 13 years before I truly met Jesus and met Kenneth. God had a plan to show me the marriage He wanted for me, for Kenneth. We were so blessed to have 25 years together. Kenneth gave 100% and I learned to because I desired to please both God and Kenneth. Within a short period, my willingness to surrender was at that 100% mark! We walked together with the Lord between us. It was precious. I miss Kenneth so, but God is my Husband now. I depend upon Him and have Him to lean on, be held by, to love me. I get to love Him too. Isaiah 54:5 is my verse these days. I began reading it shortly after Kenneth died of cancer.
    May He continue to richly bless you as you walk the path He had for you.

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    1. Linda I am so sorry for your loss, I am sure Kenneth was an amazing man and that you will see him in heaven again. I truly appreciate you opening up like this and what you said is true marriage is a beautiful piece of Gods plan. I look forward to the day both my husband and I can walk with the Lord but for now it is just me. I know my husband will soon follow. I will read Isaiah 54:4 now and think of this amazing story you have told.

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  3. This is so helpful to me right now! It’s not a coincidence that I found this as I’m doing a marriage study at church. I LOVE the family pyramid and will be putting that same idea in our family command center!

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