Part One: My Anxiety and Frienships

I don’t know when it started, maybe it was in grade school when I found out that I don’t fit it! Maybe when I got pregnant at fifteen and betrayed by a person I though I loved. It doesn’t matter when it started, it matters that I suffer from it.

Not many people in my family circle know this but I suffer from anxiety. More specifically I suffer from Social and Generalized anxiety

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is characterized by persistent and excessive worry about a number of different things. People with GAD may anticipate disaster and may be overly concerned about money, health, family, work, or other issues. Individuals with GAD find it difficult to control their worry. They may worry more than seems warranted about actual events or may expect the worst even when there is no apparent reason for concern.

While Social anxiety…

Social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, is intense anxiety or fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in a social or performance situation. People with social anxiety disorder may worry about acting or appearing visibly anxious (e.g., blushing, stumbling over words), or being viewed as stupid, awkward, or boring. As a result, they often avoid social or performance situations, and social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, is intense anxiety or fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in a social or performance situation. People with social anxiety disorder may worry about acting or appearing visibly anxious (e.g., blushing, stumbling over words), or being viewed as stupid, awkward, or boring. As a result, they often avoid social or performance situations, and when a situation cannot be avoided, they experience significant anxiety and distress. when a situation cannot be avoided, they experience significant anxiety and distress.

Is what says about it. A lot of people say this is a B.S thing, you’re just over thinking, a nonsense disorder, but it’s not. How does that affect my social life, my daily routine? Well I have good days and bad days. Days where I can function and days where I just “over think”, can’t stop, and I become distant.

Most days I slap a smile on my face and pretend everything is okay, I pretend I don’t have racing thoughts of fear, rejections, what if’s, thinking about the outcome of things and paranoid thoughts that over come me.

In this post I will be talking about my social anxieties! So let’s start…

Friends or Not

I worry about friendships, why because I don’t make friends easily. I believe it has some part to do with anxiety. I’m always worried if I’m trying to hard, if I’m saying the right things, always thinking of what not to say even though it comes out like word vomit and I’m left looking like an idiot.

I stress about friendships too! I start to “over think” which leads to having negative thoughts. Some of those rain cloud moments include; I’m not worth it, I’m not part of their click so don’t try, They don’t like me so why bother, You said the wrong thing idiot! They are avoiding you for a reason so stop asking, So on and so forth.

Having those worries and thoughts sometimes keep me from even socializing at all. I feel once I make an acquaintance it becomes nothing more. I feel like I become that nagging person you know who is always is asking to hang out but you dodged by saying your super busy that particular day.

Even though chances are your telling the truth that’s how my mind with anxiety processes that information given. As far as I know I have only had two friends, no one currently. Other than that everyone else is categorize in my head as wishful thinking friends.

What I mean by that is friends who I would love to be friends with but my anxiety tells me other wise. Let’s just say there is a group of ladies at church I would love to be friends with, they have invited me to events and I have gone! However after those events, I have tried to get them to meet up, hang out, or go on a play date with the kids. However they are just always busy doing something.

Chances are, they really were busy because they are those type of people. However like I said before that’s not how my brain processes that information. On my bad days I avoid doing things with people who reach out to me out of fear. I have feelings of insecurities which is my fear and doubts of others intentions, which leads me nicely saying no sorry I can’t today just to avoid the thoughts that tell me they are just trying to be nice.
I try to not let my anxiety control me, and everyday is a new challenge! If your my family or friends and reading this just know I battle myself daily. It sucks having thoughts that tell you you don’t have friendships because they don’t want you, they are just being nice. It sucks having your thoughts tell you things that aren’t true. It’s not something I can just stop thinking about it, it’s not something that can be simply gotten over. Anxiety doesn’t work that way even though that’s what I want.

I want to stop overreacting, overthing everything, and be social. Maybe in due time I will.

Every Sunset has a Sunrise

I have gotten better. I put a lot of it towards God. He knows my thoughts and helps me cope. At church I joined a life group which put me out of my comfort zone (every once in a while puts me back face to face with anxiety). I met some people whom I hope to become friends with! I try to not let my fear overshadow when I talk to them.

So yes I have my good days where I forget anxiety, I put it to God as much as I can. There are good days where I remind myself God has me, he helps me. I pray and pray, then pray some more. I read the bible and find scriptures for me on those bad days to help get me out of my thoughts before they take hold.

Let me tell you though seek help if things get worse, try to tell someone you can trust! My husband knows I have these thoughts and on my bad days he’s there for me just as much as God is! Don’t go through this alone, know that you aren’t alone.

Minimize The Chances

There are ways to cope, help, and eliminate anxiety. One of which is talking to a healthcare professional. Seek help talk about it, no one knows your going through if you don’t say something. Second try to advert the thoughts, for every negative have a positive one. Think of other things. Third try meditation, yoga, exercise, or things related. They help. Fourth talk to God about it, tell him your troubles, tell him you suffer and would like help. I know many aren’t religious but it seriously helps.

Advice I would give are just to minimize your chances of anxiety, it’s easier said than done. However anxiety can be manageable as long as you strive to make it manageable.

So for those who suffer too I understand that dark cloud of thoughts that never end! I understand what it is like to battle your thoughts and keep you from doing things.


  1. God is good! My husband and I have prayed and agreed together and declared our home a peaceful place, a place of no fear. It has helped us both overcome so many things! I’m so glad you don’t have to go through this alone. Thank you for your openness and honesty.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It takes a lot of courage to talk about your anxiety as openly as you did in this post. It’s important for other people to hear that message because chances are they think they are the only ones suffering! You’re doing important work here!! 🙂 (P.S. Your blog is beautiful! You’ve done a great job!)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hello Dear! I think, anxiety in general comes from the very early ages – such as preschool or primary school times. The relations with parents and classmates and other situations, we may be even unaware of, determine our future diseases that we wonder about the reason. The mentioned circumstances probably just woke this monster up who has been poising your life for years. I’m impressed, despite your internal war you still managed to put your life together and raise a child! And I’m impressed of your faith too ❤ I'm with you in every step and I highly believe, you'll overcome this!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It is crazy how many people have mental illnesses. I always thought they were cries for attention until I got postpartum depression. I’m glad you are learning ways to cope.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Believe it or not some do use it as an excuse for attention! However 9 times out of 10 it is someone who is suffering and people who suffer most are often seen as the happiest person.


  5. This is very insightful. I also deal with anxiety and often label it more of a social anxiety. I used to drink my way to a more comfortable social state, but am now trying to stay sober and find healthier ways to cope and grow. I love how you described the way anxiety affects your friendships because it truly is a tug of war and can be a lonely place sometimes even if it is “in your head”


    1. Dear friend congratulations on trying to stay sober, you can do it! Its hard when you have anxiety! If you ever need to talk please contact me, my email is on my page under contract! I admire you wanting to better yourself and keep pushing to be better you doing good so far!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I love your blog, I also suffer horrible anxiety where some days I can’t even leave my house. I also have horrible PTSD from the 3 life changing traumatic events I have gone through, one of them actually I contributes greatly to my ongoing anxiety today. It’s great to hear from you about your anxiety


  7. I wasn’t a shy kid. I was out spoken and sassy. I think I began to be sensitive somewhere in my transition from elementary to middle school. As I got older I began to experience “shyness” which now I understand to possibly be social anxiety. I say possibly, because I haven’t been diagnosed by a psychologist. I have performed self-diagnosis. I have done a lot of reading and I see what I experience in the articles. I see similarities in your story. Although, I’m a lot better than before I’m seriously thinking about looking into talking to a professional so I can overcome in ways that I have yet to get delivered from the free. I am a believer in Jesus Christ. And, I know He Helps me to overcome and being victorious in Him, but I also believe there is nothing wrong with having Jesus and a therapist.

    For years I suffered in silence. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed that I didn’t tell anyone mainly because I was unable to articulate what I was dealing with. Growing up, I was told things like, “get over,” “life happens,” “deal with it.” I have come to realize that admitting you have issues and talking about your feelings is one of the most bravest thing you can do.


    1. There is nothing wrong with being a believer and needs medication or a therapist. A favorite movie qoute from a Christian movie I like says when you are precious to God your just as important to the devil. Which is true just because your a believer doesn’t mean that voices of the enemies stop.

      Liked by 1 person

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