I don’t know when it started, maybe it was in grade school when I found out that I don’t fit it! Maybe when I got pregnant at fifteen and betrayed by a person I though I loved. It doesn’t matter when it started, it matters that I suffer from it.
Not many people in my family circle know this but I suffer from anxiety. More specifically I suffer from Social and Generalized anxiety
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is characterized by persistent and excessive worry about a number of different things. People with GAD may anticipate disaster and may be overly concerned about money, health, family, work, or other issues. Individuals with GAD find it difficult to control their worry. They may worry more than seems warranted about actual events or may expect the worst even when there is no apparent reason for concern.
While Social anxiety…
Social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, is intense anxiety or fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in a social or performance situation. People with social anxiety disorder may worry about acting or appearing visibly anxious (e.g., blushing, stumbling over words), or being viewed as stupid, awkward, or boring. As a result, they often avoid social or performance situations, and social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, is intense anxiety or fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in a social or performance situation. People with social anxiety disorder may worry about acting or appearing visibly anxious (e.g., blushing, stumbling over words), or being viewed as stupid, awkward, or boring. As a result, they often avoid social or performance situations, and when a situation cannot be avoided, they experience significant anxiety and distress. when a situation cannot be avoided, they experience significant anxiety and distress.
Is what adaa.org says about it. A lot of people say this is a B.S thing, you’re just over thinking, a nonsense disorder, but it’s not. How does that affect my social life, my daily routine? Well I have good days and bad days. Days where I can function and days where I just “over think”, can’t stop, and I become distant.
Most days I slap a smile on my face and pretend everything is okay, I pretend I don’t have racing thoughts of fear, rejections, what if’s, thinking about the outcome of things and paranoid thoughts that over come me.
In this post I will be talking about my social anxieties! So let’s start…
Friends or Not
I worry about friendships, why because I don’t make friends easily. I believe it has some part to do with anxiety. I’m always worried if I’m trying to hard, if I’m saying the right things, always thinking of what not to say even though it comes out like word vomit and I’m left looking like an idiot.
I stress about friendships too! I start to “over think” which leads to having negative thoughts. Some of those rain cloud moments include; I’m not worth it, I’m not part of their click so don’t try, They don’t like me so why bother, You said the wrong thing idiot! They are avoiding you for a reason so stop asking, So on and so forth.
Having those worries and thoughts sometimes keep me from even socializing at all. I feel once I make an acquaintance it becomes nothing more. I feel like I become that nagging person you know who is always is asking to hang out but you dodged by saying your super busy that particular day.
Even though chances are your telling the truth that’s how my mind with anxiety processes that information given. As far as I know I have only had two friends, no one currently. Other than that everyone else is categorize in my head as wishful thinking friends.
What I mean by that is friends who I would love to be friends with but my anxiety tells me other wise. Let’s just say there is a group of ladies at church I would love to be friends with, they have invited me to events and I have gone! However after those events, I have tried to get them to meet up, hang out, or go on a play date with the kids. However they are just always busy doing something.
Chances are, they really were busy because they are those type of people. However like I said before that’s not how my brain processes that information. On my bad days I avoid doing things with people who reach out to me out of fear. I have feelings of insecurities which is my fear and doubts of others intentions, which leads me nicely saying no sorry I can’t today just to avoid the thoughts that tell me they are just trying to be nice.
I try to not let my anxiety control me, and everyday is a new challenge! If your my family or friends and reading this just know I battle myself daily. It sucks having thoughts that tell you you don’t have friendships because they don’t want you, they are just being nice. It sucks having your thoughts tell you things that aren’t true. It’s not something I can just stop thinking about it, it’s not something that can be simply gotten over. Anxiety doesn’t work that way even though that’s what I want.
I want to stop overreacting, overthing everything, and be social. Maybe in due time I will.
Every Sunset has a Sunrise
I have gotten better. I put a lot of it towards God. He knows my thoughts and helps me cope. At church I joined a life group which put me out of my comfort zone
(every once in a while puts me back face to face with anxiety). I met some people whom I hope to become friends with! I try to not let my fear overshadow when I talk to them.
So yes I have my good days where I forget anxiety, I put it to God as much as I can. There are good days where I remind myself God has me, he helps me. I pray and pray, then pray some more. I read the bible and find scriptures for me on those bad days to help get me out of my thoughts before they take hold.
Let me tell you though seek help if things get worse, try to tell someone you can trust! My husband knows I have these thoughts and on my bad days he’s there for me just as much as God is! Don’t go through this alone, know that you aren’t alone.
Minimize The Chances
There are ways to cope, help, and eliminate anxiety. One of which is talking to a healthcare professional. Seek help talk about it, no one knows your going through if you don’t say something. Second try to advert the thoughts, for every negative have a positive one. Think of other things. Third try meditation, yoga, exercise, or things related. They help. Fourth talk to God about it, tell him your troubles, tell him you suffer and would like help. I know many aren’t religious but it seriously helps.
Advice I would give are just to minimize your chances of anxiety, it’s easier said than done. However anxiety can be manageable as long as you strive to make it manageable.
So for those who suffer too I understand that dark cloud of thoughts that never end! I understand what it is like to battle your thoughts and keep you from doing things.