Awkward in Friendship But Seasoned in Waiting

In a devotional I had been doing, called Coffee Moms devotional: a rich blend of 30 Brief and inspiring devotions, I happened to get stuck in thought. The author states :

Women need friends, Good friends. We need other women in our life who encourage us, understand us and support us. And we must fight for these friendships

Now at the end of the devotional, like any others, they ask questions and this is where I got stuck in thought.

1. Who are your BEST friends?

Now it has a part two to that but I want to concentrate on this for a moment……

I have never been good at making friends, not that I’m not capable just that I’m awkward at it. Through out my grade school years I was never good at it. Everyone else had friends but I was the one who tried “too hard” to “fit in”. Two sets of words I dread dearly! Not only that but my anxiety prevented me from doing so, fear of rejection and what others will think of me.

I ended up with the unpopular crowd of misfits, goths, nerds, and whatever names go with the labels pinned to these stereotypes. I found solitude in a good friend of mine, until we stopped talking after the years ended. I have tried talking to them but no answer which was leaving me alone once again. I have come to terms with that situation and we are fine now. I know people and said hi, and they know me so it isn’t a total ghost situation. I appreciate them because they at least keep me company when I need a chat. But I don’t have anyone.

I do long for the friendships I see around me. Where play dates happen, coffee dates at a local cafe, and photos to look back on. When I attempt to ask someone I know to have that time with me all I get are excuses; let’s do this soon, I’ve made plans, or no response. I try desperately to make friends but it doesn’t work out. The harder I try, the “too hard” set of mind frame happens and the more it fails.

It is like word vomit when I try. As a busy adult I understand why at least to a point, so I grasp work life, and mom life plays a big part in it. I get life happens and people get busy. However if you want friends you have to make time for them.

Going back to the question at hand, Who were my BEST friends? I have no clue, I have acquaintances but not friends, I have acquaintances to text but no friends to escape to when I need it! I don’t have that one person to rely on when things get tough, or when I need wise advice. So how do I honestly answer this question laid before me, how do I fathom a response when I don’t have a person to write. Well I can’t! See I am learning that God has been there even when humans fail to be. He is my friend when no one else gives a second chance, when no one reaches out to find me and ask for a coffee day or play date!

He is my play date, for I am his child, for when I have coffee time at nap time; he is with me as I talk desperately to him.

Even though he is my dearest friend, God provides friends because it is wrong for us to be alone. We need someone to push us to be better, we need someone to turn to when we feel lost in faith. I still pray God sends me that person.

Remember how I said there was a second part to this?

How have they blessed and encouraged you and what kind of friend are you to them?

Well seeing is how for the moment God is my only friend, how has God blessed me?He has blessed me in so many ways; he gave me a sportive family, a husband to love, a mother to lean on when I need help, he gave me awesome grandparents who are there for me, so over all a wonderful family that sticks together through angry words and disagreeing ocean waves. He encourages me to push deeper into faith and allow actual friendships to happen. Now how I have treated him? Not so well in the past but i am looking to the better for us, I am treating him the best I can being only human.

With all this said I understand friendship more, I get why we lose contact, I get life happens, I get we are all human. I know though that true friendships are possible. I have seen them, my grandparents have a friend of fifty plus years I think, just never felt them. I long for the womanly friendship that the author was talking about. We do need other women to talk to , we need someone to say hey your aren’t doing so hot and encourage us. We need someone to say your not being so nice and tell you the absolute truth even when we don’t want to hear it. We need someone to keep us from our worst impulses ( the things we say we don’t want to do again) and keep us from things that don’t better ourselves.

The down side to all this is not knowing who is real. The real ones are there every moment you need them as much as your there for them. The real ones never give up on you even when things are bad or hitting a rough patch. Friendship is messy but so worth it!

I want to leave you with some encouragement for those who feel alone, or lost, or don’t have friends that are real or don’t know where to begin. God is our friend and he is real, he will bring people into our lives to learn from and teach them! He brings them into our lives to show us things that we need to work on and to change. So don’t freight because he will bring you a friend, he won’t leave you alone, you just have to wait for them!


  1. I can relate, but a little differently. I used to be good at making friends, especially with the new kids, but now I feel like I am the one on the sidelines. Thank you for the reminder that God is a friend to believers in Him, and He is our best friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As an Army wife, you have to get over feeling awkward about making new friends real fast! The sad part is you have to get good at saying goodbye, too! Having good friends IRL you can hang out with is so important! My friends are scattered all around the world (literally) and I have very few that have known me for my whole life, or even my kids’ whole lives. It would be nice to have that kind of history… Beautiful post! Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

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